In an effort to be more versatile in my bloggings, for my next act, I shall assemble an assortment of things you maybe didn’t know about me:
Socially awkward right from the start, in the first grade it was not at all uncommon for me to use recess as an opportunity to escape through some poorly placed fence posts and head on home, over a mile away. I pulled this little trick off two or three times before an attentive administrator figured me out.
In another attempt to get out of school, I once convinced my mother that I had a sore throat and couldn’t go. Well, rather than let me watch Three’s Company all day as I intended, she dragged me to a doctor who proceeded to approach my face with a 6″ long cotton swab. Helllll NO! I’ve always had an irrational fear of choking, so upon realizing just where doc was about to stick that swab, I rebutted (See what I did there? You’d think that’s where he was going to put it, wouldn’t you?), started crying, and confessed that I had been faking it all along. The doctor, unamused, swabbed my tonsils anyway <gag>. The next day, thwarted, I was back in school. But it wasn’t long before the school nurse interrupted class to pull me out. “Grab your things”, she said. Lo-and-behold, I had a raging case of Strep, no symptoms.
My family moved every 2 years while I was growing up, so we never had pets that were more complicated or challenging to relocate than fish or parakeets. Gordon the goldfish committed suicide by jumping out of the tank, so that was that. We did have a number of parakeets, all of whom were named Mr. Gregory Peck. Peck II was the most awesome parakeet ever, but my heart always longed for something more – furry. Now that I’m an adult (debatable), it’s pretty established that I have a “gift” with animals, so I’ve dedicated nearly all of my adult life to working with them. Now my poor my mom feels guilty for dismissing my near-constant pleading for a furry thing. Here is a drawing of Peck II, circa 1982.
(have patience, photo is coming)
Favorite sound: Purrrrrrrr. And rain. A rainy, lazy Sunday shared with a purr-happy Torti? Sublime.
I L-O-V-E me a Tortoiseshell cat. My soul-critter has tortitude and so do I. Here are my two favorites:
Creole & Ramona
Favorite animal (beside my dear Torti-cat): The Virginia Opossum! (Didelphis virginiana) North America’s ONLY marsupial, she carries her
babies joeys in a pouch and his testicles are on his belly! When we get calls for Opossums hit by a car in the spring and summer it’s considered a true emergency – we must check the pouch for babies! There can be a max of 13 babies stuck to 13 teats – don’t pull ’em! You’ve gotta release the suction they have on the nip or you’ll literally pull their insides out by pulling them off. One last fun fact: The Virginia Opossum has the most teeth of any mammal in North America. All the better to scare you with! Their best defense is to play dead with their mouths wide open in an effort to show you how scary they are! Observe how frighteningly cute …
(OMG, I JUST INSERTED LINKS, Y’ALL! Look at me being all blog savvy! How about thaaa?!)
I am a Wildlife Rehabilitator permitted by the VA Department of Game and Inland Fisheries to rehabilitate grey squirrels, southern flying squirrels, chipmunks, and bats. I’d have to research the by-laws, but I bet the condo association would frown upon wildlife rehab off the ole balcony, so I mostly help other rehab-type friends when they go out of town or just need a break. I also get to hone those skills every spring, summer and fall just by going to work. Which reminds me, Spring is coming. Crap. But also, Yay! But then Crap. A 9-month busy season is drawing neigh…
I asked my step-father to adopt me in my 20’s – on Father’s Day. He had always been my Dad, he stepped right up when I was only two. Odd how a handful of court documents and fancy stamps later, my biological father was literally erased from my existence, not so much as an * to indicate him anywhere on my new birth certificate.
Once, I flew. Allll the way across the bathroom in the 4th grade. Jumped off the sink
as I had done a million times before for the very first time, in an effort to swing on the exposed pipes that darted through the basement ceiling. I blame peer pressure and that show-off, Mary Lou Retton. My gymnastics career was forever thwarted one afternoon when I crashed to the floor just inches from a mouthful of toilet, stall #3. I broke my arm, but must have been in shock because I just wanted to walk it off and go back to class. Meanwhile, my hand was just dangling, so we flopped it around a little. I don’t recall any pain.
Favorite flavor: Banana. Artificial banana, a plus! Banana runts. Banana popsicles. Banana bread (no nuts!), Frozen chocolate bananas. Banana pancakes. Banana taffy. Banana tic-tacs! Damn you, delicious tic-tac, you mini minion of yumminess – you owe me a crown!
Favorite food: Bring me all the Mexican food.
I work in an animal shelter and despite the fact that it’s considered “low-rung on the totem pole”, my heart is in the kennels with the animals. I
live work behind a desk these days in large part due to a nasty cat bite I suffered back in 2013. I went to Urgent Care right away and started antibiotics within hours, but by the weekend my finger looked more like a purple penis than a digit. Long medical story short, I developed a bone infection (osteomyelitis) and had to get a PICC line so I could complete a 6-week protocol of IV antibiotics from home. I kinda had the trots for 6 full weeks, but my skin was glowing and clear, so you know, compromise.
I’ve been in/felt three earthquakes … 1987: Anchorage, Alaska: 4.1. 2001: Seattle, Washington: 6.8. 2011 Arlington, Virginia: 5.8.
For some hateful reason, I’ve been on the scene of 2 fatal motorcycle accidents. The first I watched in my rear-view mirror. The person in the car didn’t see the approaching bike and made a left behind me. The bike T-boned the car and the guy flipped through the air like a rag doll. Unlike just about everyone else who just stood there with their chins on the ground, I ran over and tried to comfort him. You know, I work with animals, and in the stress of that moment, all I could think of to offer him comfort was, “good boy”. He looked at me for a minute or two before his gaze changed and then, his gaze looked through me. The second accident I pulled up on. I noticed 2 people laying in the road, bike on it’s side. The rider had hit a pedestrian, who was clearly in worse shape than she was. I ran over and started CPR compressions right away, but blood squirted from his ears with every push. I knew he was already gone, but I wasn’t going to regret not trying. Not this time. And Love Bomb wondered why I got so upset when she and the Master Manipulator went out and bought a bike on a whim one afternoon while I was at work.
I been in love af with everyone I’ve ever slept with.
If roller-skating were an Olympic sport, I’d have a wall-full of gold medals. I am seriously good at rolling around on 4 wheels.
Do not approach before coffee. I don’t do breakfast unless it’s lunchtime. Or dinnertime. But not in the morning. Blarf.
That’s all I’ve got for you today, kids. I hope you’ve enjoyed this little stroll down Mazie’s Lane.