#annas43rdyear

I am having a hard time with this blog thing lately.

I start something, then decide that it’s not interesting or engaging to anyone besides myself. There are currently three “drafts” sitting in limbo, I can’t decide on a direction for any of them.

So, I’ll try again. It’s not like nothing has happened worth mentioning: I went out on a date – a real date, with a boy, at a restaurant. I celebrated my 43rd birthday, complete with a small gathering of some of my dearest friends and a head-sized margarita. I sent a letter to my landlord and asked if I could buy the condo unit I currently rent from him. It’s been an eventful week!

Mostly, I’m struggling with which direction I ultimately want to go with this blog.

“… Engaging with other bloggers is so important. I didn’t realize until I started engaging more with other people that that’s what blogging should be about. It should be about community and people, not writing about yourself and hoping someone will listen. It’s a way of helping, educating and making a difference.” -Giles Jordan, Giles Meets World, The 10 biggest mistakes I made in my first year blogging.

How can I engage … uh, you (are you out there? anyone? anyone?) … when I’m not even sure how I feel about just about everything these days? It certainly won’t be my witty writing or fantastically funny jokes. Right? Right. But that’s one of those things I’m here to work on – improving those writing skills, telling a story, drawing insightful conclusions, so on and so forth.

Okay, so I’m just going to go for it.

Date night. So, I’ve been using a dating app called OKCupid for a couple of months now. I like it better than Tinder, which seems to be a full blown fuck-fest. OKC has the option to answer questions related to things like ethics, lifestyle, and yes, even sex, which are used to “match” you with this person or that. It’s kind of nice to know at a glance whether or not you and the person who pops up have things in common and/or if you’ll be at all compatible. I gravitate to people who are low on the ‘conservative’ and ‘sexperienced’ scales, and high on ‘compassion’ and ‘giving’. What does my profile say about me? Well, OKC describes me as ‘nerdy’, ‘adventurous’, ‘progressive’, and ‘thrifty”. Three out of four ain’t bad … I don’t see myself as particularly adventurous – BUT, I did meet someone and join them on a date! Some might consider that adventurous. I’ve been known to struggle with anxiety, especially when it comes to places where I feel quite stuck, like restaurants and stylists chairs once the dye is applied. Considering how far I’ve come from my “she who faints in breezeways” history, you might conclude that going on a real date was not only adventurous, it was downright brave.

The guy I met is fairly fascinating. He’s a refugee from Romania, and grew up in New York. He has three sisters. He works for the man. He’s a devout Buddhist – he teaches mindfulness and goes on mindful retreats. He said and did all the right things. He listened intently to everything I said and made lots of direct eye contact. We match at 93%, according to OKC. There’s just one thing … I’m not sure I’m attracted to him. Which makes me feel like a jerk. I mean, it’s not what’s on the outside that counts, right? On one hand, I feel like a certain chemistry or spark is really important in a relationship. On the other, I feel like maybe I need to look past those receding hairlines now that I’m <gasp> 43 – and so is my dating pool.

43. So, that happened on Wednesday. It wasn’t nearly as depressing as I anticipated. (I hope I can say the same for Valentine’s Day – it’s coming right up.) It rained like a mofo all day, but I like the rain and I found a nice rain jacket at the house when I went to pick up the last of my things. (Thanks, New Girl – I needed one real bad!) The day flew by (despite the fact that I did virtually nothing) and I was treated to dinner and margaritas with some of my very best friends. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the people who came to my birthday party were the same sweet af humans who came to my housewarming, and yet, I was tickled when I noticed this consistently faithful crew in this photo. I get what I need. And these be my peeps…

bday peeps
I’m the one in the green jacket gettin’ her buzz on.

The official celebration didn’t stop there; Thursday, I joined another friend (she’s gonna need an alias – let’s call her “Kate” from now on) for dinner and drinks. And tonight, dinner will be served by my squirrel rehab mentor and her sweetie. I get what I need from these kind people who surround and support me. Imma lucky girl!

And as for my cute condo? I put it on my landlord’s radar that I’d like to buy the joint. I’ve been there for over 6 months now, but I’ve really only just started to feel at home. I finally put some things on the walls and although I still have plastic bins for nightstands, I DID purchase some cute end-tables for the living room. Progress! I dread the thought of moving again and I can’t see myself leaving my job (I am so lucky to be where I am, doing what I love, with people I adore) anytime soon. It makes more sense to pay a mortgage than rent, and with the new Harris Teeter / shopping center that’s going in just a few blocks down the road, I imagine property values are going to increase in the next few years. I should probably get in on that.

As you can see, it’s been a pretty good week, overall. I don’t know that I have any specific guidance or insights for a reader, but eh, whatever. I was actually chatting with another OKC match (a girl this time) (91%) who is an active blogger. She says that a target audience is not necessary and encouraged me to “write what makes *you* tick – to hell with everyone else, pay no regard what anyone thinks”. So, for today, I’m going to run with that. And so, I’ll hit “Publish…” and clear this hurdle.

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